i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I FOUND THE LEGS
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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