Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Randomize
