I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
