i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
