Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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