can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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