So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
