and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
