How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
