Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
