I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
