Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He? As in you personified your dick?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
