Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I look better un-naked...
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Pants are for mortals
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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