she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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