If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I cut my penus on the lid.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Randomize
