I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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