is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
The uberlube is also flammable
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
