I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
