Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
