If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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