it wasn't lemon gatorade
Acid is not a monday night drug
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
