you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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