Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
