How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
