Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i came on her dog
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
