Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
