the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
this hospital has no fireball
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
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