dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
