He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
