thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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