from now on my penis is your penis
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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