In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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