It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
