I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
there is puke in my bra ... again
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