I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
