Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
