Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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