my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm both gender and math confused
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
