Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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