Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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