right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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