Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
