every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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