I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Farmville is her only friend.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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