There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
