Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
