Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Fuck me I smell like cheese
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
