you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
