Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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