peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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