If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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