she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
