I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
