yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
