WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
